First Date

Eighteen years ago today, Mike arrived at my college dorm in his blue and white pick-up truck for our first date. After seeing a movie and returning to campus, we sat in the truck and talked at length on various subjects. Eventually, Mike walked me to the building’s entrance, as far as any male was allowed that time of night, and promised to call as he said goodbye. Reflecting on the evening as I strolled back to my room, I realized he could be “the one”. 

How did I know after one date? Admittedly, too many variables existed that early on to be completely sure. However, my initial instinct recognized the potential for a serious relationship with this guy I already trusted, respected, and admired. You see, the Lord had been working in both of our lives to bring us together. Yet only in replaying the months leading up to that first date did it become obvious how God orchestrated our union. 

I remember the day I first heard Mike’s name. My brother Tommy, a high school senior, checked the mailbox and found a letter informing him that Michael from Rome, Italy, would be his college roommate. Our family speculated about the unknown student, but during those pre-internet days, it would be September before questions were answered...

…and another few months until I met the mysterious roommate with whom Tommy was now sharing a dorm room. On a spring day while visiting my brother, I was finally introduced to Mike, who instantly captivated me with his deep voice, friendly brown eyes, and kind smile.

Nearly three years elapsed before our friendship developed, which then occurred almost immediately upon my arrival as a freshman on the same college campus. The quaint, private university made it relatively common for our paths to cross.

Mike and I were both in relationships, his quite serious. With no likelihood or suggestion of anything more, our friendship easily grew. Furthermore, as my brother’s roommate and a college senior, Mike seemed to be more of a protector than a pursuer. 

He warned me about the rebellious boy on campus I was dating. He advised me on classes and guided me - rescued me! - multiple times when, as a freshman, my prospects of finding available classes seemed impossible. He often picked me up from my dorm and took me to work at the Peddler Steakhouse where I greeted customers and he waited tables.

It was at the Peddler in the middle of the Saturday evening rush when Mike pulled me away for a brief moment to inform me that he was planning to end the relationship with his girlfriend of two years. Other than his parents, no one else knew. Once back on campus that night, we discussed the matter in his truck for almost an hour. Not wanting to be the cause of a break-up, I advocated for his girlfriend, attempting to explain some of her behavior from a female point of view.

The following Thursday after classes, I drove home in preparation for my brother’s wedding that weekend. Upon arriving, Tommy announced Mike’s breakup.

The next evening brought us together again for the wedding rehearsal - Mike as a groomsman and me as a bridesmaid. Mike would be my escort during the ceremony. We contentedly practiced our roles, enjoyed dinner together, and fellowshipped as friends do.

Later that night, my mom asked how I felt about my brother getting married. While I had not previously thought about the emotions his marriage would evoke, I realized I felt happiness for Tommy and his bride Laura and confidence that they would always keep in touch as special family members. However, sadness arose at the thought of Mike drifting out of my life after his graduation in two months. 

My mom then surprised me. “Didn’t you hear?” she asked. “Tommy said Mike is going to ask you on a date.” Wow! That was unexpected!

Or was it? Our friendship had been growing for months. Mike went out of his way to help me that freshman year.  We also shared lengthy conversations. He confided in me. Mike is generous, thoughtful, and loyal, not flirtatious or scheming. I have no doubt God was working on bringing us together even while we remained oblivious to it.

Tommy and Laura’s wedding day was perfect! Some details have faded over time, but a few are crystal clear, like thumb wrestling with Mike to pass time as we waited for the ceremony to begin. I also remember being emotional during the wedding as reality hit that my big brother was starting a new family, separate from ours. In that moment, I glanced across the stage at Mike, who was looking back at me. He smiled and winked, a tender gesture that strengthened me and enabled me to hold back my tears. 

During the reception, we sneaked off with others to decorate the car. After Tommy and Laura left, we worked together to clean a bit. Too soon, the festivities were over at the church, and Mike needed to depart for school. I would be returning the following day. As we said goodbye, Mike asked the question I realized I had been anticipating all day: 

“Would you like to go out tomorrow night when you get back on campus?”

Of course, I said yes!

And so it officially began, eighteen years ago! 

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.” Ecclesiastes 9-10a

                                                

A Hard Lesson to Teach

One of the hardest lessons I have had to teach in my six years of homeschooling took place Wednesday morning.

Although science is by far the subject I understand the least, the lecture was not related to that field. Occasionally I am stumped by a difficult middle school math problem, but that was not the case on Wednesday either. Behavior issues often arise that prove to be challenging, but this lesson was not related to discipline.

Of the various subjects I teach on multiple grade levels, the topic that had to be addressed came directly from God’s Word.

Brandon and Nicholas have implemented an independent daily quite time of prayer, reading the Bible, and journaling. Zachary, however, still reads Scripture aloud to me each morning before we briefly discuss the passage together. He completed the book of Psalms and is now beginning the New Testament. Wednesday’s verses were from Matthew 4:18-22.

The passage appears harmless enough. Jesus is calling his first disciples. Initially, one would consider these words more informative than applicable. My inquisitive son, however, often asks the unexpected questions, leading to a deeper examination than anticipated.

Zachary expressed concern after reading in verses 21 and 22 that the new disciples left their father to follow Jesus. “Why did they leave their dad?”

“Because Jesus told them to,” I replied.

“Why didn’t their dad go, too?” he asked.

“Jesus only asked them to go, not their father.” Forcing myself to continue, I further explained, “We don’t always understand why God asks some to stay near family and some to move far away, but we are to obey Jesus no matter what He calls us to do or where that may be.”

We constantly train our children to obey God. We enhance those instructions by helping them understand the meaning of the Bible, God’s written words to us. Nevertheless, I would rather have to explain calculus or physics than give my boys a reason to move away far away from me one day!

However, biblical truths must not be avoided, ignored, or excused as being applicable for someone – anyone - other than my own children. The consequences of dismissing select Scripture passages such as these verses are far worse than sharing their truths and teaching obedience to all of God’s Word.

As Christian parents, Mike and I will support our children in whatever God leads them to do, wherever that may be. Do I want them to move far from us? Absolutely not! But I do want them to obey God wholeheartedly, and that is more important than how close they live to me.

My precious eight year-old was adamant in stating he has no desire to leave his parents and, in fact, prefers living with us forever. Furthermore, he insisted that his older brothers should stay at home as long as possible, too. When he realized that Brandon is less than six years away from college, he stated, “Life is just going by too fast!”

You’re absolutely right, Zachary!

As life races along, let us keep pace and obey God even if He calls us away from family and friends and even if He asks us to teach our dearly loved children a lesson we would rather ignore.

“Immediately, they left the boat and their father, and followed Him [Jesus].” Matthew 4:22

Turning Eight!

Today is another celebration day for our family. It’s Zachary’s eighth birthday!

While the most expected response from parents regarding a child becoming a year older is disbelief that their little one is growing up, our Zachary has always been a bit “older”. Many of his firsts – talking, potty training, riding a bike, swimming, and such - came much earlier in life than his older brothers merely because he watched and learned from their examples.

A bundle of energy, confidence, athleticism, and creativity, Zachary holds the center of attention as he entertains family and friends. For as long as he has been talking, he has been making people laugh.

As lively and social as Zachary is, he will give up almost anything to go on a date with me, his mom! I treasure these special times together, knowing that in the future another girl will rightly take my place.

Zachary enjoys sports, crafts, books, and action figures, but his interest in animals stands out the most. He hopes to own a farm or a zoo when he is an adult. In order to earn money for this endeavor, he claims his “first job” will be as a monster truck driver or a motorcycle cop.

When it comes to academics, my youngest has been perhaps the most challenging of the boys to teach in school. He has always preferred playing outside (throwing balls, riding his bike, and acting out hero vs. villain scenarios) over learning colors, numbers, and letters. But who can blame him? School can be fun, but not quite as exciting as the adventures waiting outside for a young boy!

I appreciate the classic comic strip Family Circle which reassures me that perhaps Zachary is a typical little boy. When getting from point A to point B, Zachary is incapable of taking a straight path. Furthermore, he is likely to return to point A without ever reaching B, usually needing a reminder of his assigned destination. There are just too many exciting stops and interesting diversions along the way that prevent him from completing, or even recalling, his task.

Zachary’s curiosity with life has its advantages. He pays attention really well when listening to science, history, and Bible lessons in school. Moreover, he asks lots of questions, helping him retain what he has learned.

Recently, while studying a Bible verse for Awanas, he asked for an explanation because, to him, this particular verse seemed to suggest that God thinks wisdom is foolish. His careful reading and disturbance at what he did not believe to be true caused him to immediately seek clarification, enabling me to explain the meaning. While constant questions can be irritating to a busy mom, I am thankful for his inquisitiveness which helps him learn more about God and His Word.

Zachary is a born-again believer, like his parents and brothers. He sought the Lord for well over a year, attempting to understand God’s love, grace, and mercy. He asked numerous questions and prayed regularly for clarity so that he could become a Christian. Finally, Mike and I realized that instead of helping our young son by encouraging him to “wait a little longer”, we were frustrating him and holding him back from the relationship with God he sincerely desired. At age six, he prayed to the Lord, confessing his sinfulness and asking Jesus to be the Savior he knew he needed.

Our biggest prayer for Zachary is that he continues to develop His relationship with Jesus throughout his life. We give thanks for the evidence of spiritual growth we see in him.

We cherish every moment God has given us with our imaginative, intense, and full of life child. We love Zachary dearly and look forward to many more birthdays – and all the days in between - with our youngest son.

“May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose.” Psalm 20:4

Distracted by God

I spent a few days with my dear friend Stephanie recently and enjoyed a couple of late evenings catching up as our lives are currently separated by a few hundred miles. One night we stayed up until 1:30a.m. chatting! That is quite a late night for me – late enough to give me a second wind and make me unable to get to sleep when I did head to bed. Knowing I would be pretty tired in the morning, I took advantage of my alertness and decided to spend some time with the Lord in prayer and in His Word.

I am thankful that I am not separated from God by hundreds of miles and am instead able talk to Him anytime. He is always with me - willing, able, and ready to lead and instruct me when I allow Him. Sadly, I often get distracted by petty issues and emotions, losing sight of what matters to Him. Much effort is necessary for me to keep God in sight and not be sidetracked by insignificant concerns.

Certain issues should be in the center of my mind because God has placed them there. Examples include my husband and being a loving helpmate to him, as well as my sons and their education. My family is not a distraction, but rather a part of God’s will for my life.

He has also given me certain gifts, along with ministry opportunities to use those gifts. These occasions for service outside of the home should be done in obedience to the Lord and not become a diversion that takes my time or thoughts away with Him.

With much frustration, however, I too often find myself fixated on issues that do divert my attention away from where God desires it. I find myself caring more about what others think rather than focusing on what God has commissioned me to do; I become absorbed in the latest juicy news and forget to reflect on the Good News; disappointment, discouragement, and dismay set in rather than joyfulness, contentment, and hope. I yearn to reverse that tendency and instead become so distracted by God that I cannot keep my mind on trivial matters or ones that I simply should stay out of.

As I prayed in those early hours at my friend’s house, I turned to the book of Jude, one of the one-chapter books I had decided to read while out of town and away from my New Testament commentary. I read in Jude about grumblers, complainers, and people who follow their own desires. Sounds like me when I take my eyes off the Lord.

I asked God to help me be more fully concentrated on Him and what He has placed in my life rather than the news and emotions around me that draw my mind away from His will. Subsequent verses from this short book in the Bible encouraged me to avoid this trend by growing continuously in my faith and in my communication with God and by reflecting often on His grace and mercy.

Rather than give preeminence to the unimportant in life, my desire is to walk through each day so distracted by God that any selfish thoughts, prideful emotions, and insignificant concerns simply become a blur and fade away.

“But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.” Jude 20-21

To Mike, On His 40th Birthday: Forty Things I Love About My Husband!

It’s Mike’s 40th Birthday! My husband is THE BEST, so on this momentous day, I will share FORTY reasons – in no particular order - why I am crazy about my man!

1. He is a godly Christian man who seeks the Lord and desires to obey Him.
2. He is very cool! Having a gun and badge on his side certainly helps. Nonetheless, coolness seems to just come naturally to him.
3. He is fun. He always knows how to make our time together lively and enjoyable.
4. He’s strong – physically, emotionally, and mentally.
5. He can fix anything.
6. He is an amazing father and sets an outstanding example for our sons.
7. We have inside jokes that only the two of us understand.
8. He is gives great hugs and is terrific to cuddle with!
9. He loves his sons.
10. He loves his parents… and mine, too.
11. We can talk about anything – from petty and mundane happenings to deeper, significant issues.
12. We have a lot in common and enjoy doing many activities together.
13. He is funny and makes me laugh.
14. He is confident, rarely second-guessing decisions he has made.
15. He helps me understand difficult passages in the Bible.
16. He knows how to get me out of a foul mood.
17. Even though he grew up more of a Clemson Tigers fan, he has faithfully pulled for the South Carolina Gamecocks since we got married.
18. He likes taking our family to Disney World and is perhaps the biggest Disney enthusiast in our home!
19. He is a hard worker, always giving his best.
20. He teaches our sons interesting and unusual facts that I never knew or even thought to ask about.
21. He is incredibly smart.
22. He cares about how I feel.
23. He cares about what I do and is supportive of my interests.
24. He gives great advice.
25. He plays with the boys – games, sports, puzzles, you name it!
26. He teaches the boys useful jobs which usually involve tools of some sort.
27. He teaches the boys how to treat me with respect.
28. He has his priorities in order. He balances his life well and does not let himself get too busy for family time.
29. He is my biggest fan and always on my side, supporting and encouraging me.
30. He likes sports, but is not obsessed with them.
31. I always feel protected when I am with him.
32. He is responsible and a good provider for our family.
33. He is calm and reasonable.
34. He spoils me with special dates, gifts, and other treats.
35. He’s faithful, trustworthy, and dependable.
36. He leads our family well.
37. He bakes an Oreo cookie cake for my birthday every year.
38. He makes me feel beautiful.
39. He is my best friend.
40. He loves me – with all of his heart, his mind, and his actions.


I do not deserve to be married to such an amazing man, but I am incredibly thankful that God, out of his great love and mercy, brought us together anyway.


Happy Birthday, Mike!
I love you!!!



“…This is my lover, this is my friend…”
Song of Solomon 5:16