Part of my responsibility as a parent is to teach my children good manners and proper etiquette which, with three sons, can be quite challenging. At times my wise husband assists me in this training. Once he even initiated a new manner’s rule: If you must burp in the house, close your mouth. But if you must burp in the truck, open wide and make it as loud as possible!
Even with such great spousal support, I find I must work diligently to remind the boys to chew with their mouths closed, keep their elbows off the table, hold doors open for ladies (including their mom), and always say please and thank you.
But with the passing of time and the advancement of technology, I find myself with a new challenge in this field: Facebook etiquette. What is the proper way to communicate over the computer? My sons do not yet have social networking accounts or personal emails, but when they do, I hope they will use good manners as they digitally communicate with others.
Clear cut rules and manners have not yet been established for the World Wide Web. And while I think numerous “gray” areas exist which may be debated, I will pass along a few suggestions to my sons that I consider proper conduct on the computer.
1. Guard against the cowardly temptation to say something to someone over the computer that you would never say to his/her face.
2. After removing "friends" from your account, avoid broadcasting to those remaining that they have “made the cut”. Despite pure intentions, this announcement can be perceived as haughty. Would you do that within your youth group or sports team? “Hey guys, you are my friends and may continue to hang out with me and hear all about my life! You are the chosen ones!”
3. When someone pays you a nice compliment or sends encouraging words your way, respond with a thank you, just as you would if the favorable comment was given face-to-face.
4. If someone asks you a reasonable question, respond in a reasonable amount of time with a reasonable answer. Being ignored – intentionally or unintentionally – never makes a person feel respected or valued.
5. Always glorify God with your words – even as you type - and never hurt His reputation. From the time you take the name of Christ as a new believer, you are representing Him. Please represent Him well. Be careful of complaining and negatively expressing your feelings.
6. Some gray areas exist in regards to what is shared and said over the internet. Beware of passing judgment in those areas. We cannot judge another’s motives. Give the benefit of the doubt.
7. Never share anything that could cause harm, embarrassment, or uneasiness for another, including your mom, dad, brother, or spouse (one day!). If a picture or comment is in question, withhold it!
8. Keep an optimistic perspective of another’s self-promotion or “bragging". The internet is a convenient medium for joyfully sharing the events of our lives with long distance loved-ones.
However…
9. Remember the wise words of King Solomon in Proverbs 27:2a, “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth.” Or keyboard.
Just as I sometimes take a bite of food and then remind a chatty child, “Do not talk with food in your mouth!” before swallowing my own mouthful, I fall short in the area of Facebook etiquette at times. However, my failures will not discourage me from attempting to live according to these standards of appropriate internet conduct or from teaching my sons to do the same.
“The words of the wise man’s mouth are gracious….” Ecclesiastes 10:12a
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Football Fanaticism - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
It’s that time of year: football season!
Love it or hate it, the season has not only arrived, but is running at full stride.
I am a die-hard South Carolina Gamecock's fan. I wear their colors and cheer them on in good times and bad, with God-fearing, encouraging coaches and selfish, irreverent ones. I do not pull for a particular player – although some have been very impressive – or a particular coach, but rather the college and its teams.
Some may question my devotion to the Gamecocks. I am not a graduate of the University of South Carolina. Our simple, inexpensive satellite plan rarely shows my beloved Gamecocks. In the past, even when I could watch a game on TV, I would occupy myself with something else in order to avoid the nervous stomach so often associated with this football team.
Most of all, some may question my loyalty because I do not hate South Carolina’s rival, the Clemson Tigers.
In past years, I could not make this claim. To me, loving the Gamecocks was equivalent to hating the Tigers. Yet when my oldest son began pulling not for “my” team, but for its “enemy”, I began to see the absurdity of my mind-set.
The hardest part of changing my attitude and heart towards Clemson has been the offensive and tactless remarks from some of their fans. The majority of my Clemson friends are NOT rude and unpleasant, but are in fact quite friendly. An occasional jab or tease is inevitable and expected. Yet hateful comments arise from a small minority, revealing an intense hatred and bitterness towards a football team, my football team.
In all likelihood, other teams – including the Gamecocks - have just as many vicious and bitter supporters. Furthermore, our current football coach with his pessimistic, discouraging manner is probably not gaining new followers for our team and may in fact be turning some away. Words from disgruntled, condescending coaches and fans are ugly no matter whose team is being represented.
It seems quite silly. Ridiculous, in fact! Out of the same mouth comes praise and adoration for one school, yet madness and rage against another. Consequently, a fanatical devotee’s supposed love and dedication to his team turns others away because of an obnoxious urge to vocalize hatred and bitterness towards the opposing side.
This year Clemson has a very respectable group of players and an admirable coach. In all honesty, I have difficulty finding anything to dislike about this team, except for a few, loud-mouth fans.
Clemson’s head-coach Dabo Swinney is not self-seeking or arrogant, but in fact, lives out his faith on and off the field. He seeks to honor the Lord, not himself, through his team’s wins. I suspect that even in a loss, he would point to God’s goodness in spite of man’s failure.
Recently Coach Dabo encouraged his team to “let your light shine” for God’s glory. Perhaps, we Christian football fans also need to remember to let our lights shine, not only for the reputation of our favorite team, but more importantly, for the reputation of the Savior whose name we claim.
I am not without blame in this area and have been working on improving my football etiquette. Despite the occasional rude comment or snide remark, my heart is changing. My words should bring glory to God, and declaring love for Him while speaking hatred towards a football team does not honor Him.
Without a doubt, Clemson’s orange is shining brightly this year, not simply on the field, but off as well. How could I dislike a team like that? In fact, I must learn from it and hope that my garnet and black shines just as brightly.
Clemson players, fans, and Coach Dabo: I sincerely wish you the best this season. May you only have one loss this year - to my dearly loved Gamecocks, of course!
“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:10
Love it or hate it, the season has not only arrived, but is running at full stride.
I am a die-hard South Carolina Gamecock's fan. I wear their colors and cheer them on in good times and bad, with God-fearing, encouraging coaches and selfish, irreverent ones. I do not pull for a particular player – although some have been very impressive – or a particular coach, but rather the college and its teams.
Some may question my devotion to the Gamecocks. I am not a graduate of the University of South Carolina. Our simple, inexpensive satellite plan rarely shows my beloved Gamecocks. In the past, even when I could watch a game on TV, I would occupy myself with something else in order to avoid the nervous stomach so often associated with this football team.
Most of all, some may question my loyalty because I do not hate South Carolina’s rival, the Clemson Tigers.
In past years, I could not make this claim. To me, loving the Gamecocks was equivalent to hating the Tigers. Yet when my oldest son began pulling not for “my” team, but for its “enemy”, I began to see the absurdity of my mind-set.
The hardest part of changing my attitude and heart towards Clemson has been the offensive and tactless remarks from some of their fans. The majority of my Clemson friends are NOT rude and unpleasant, but are in fact quite friendly. An occasional jab or tease is inevitable and expected. Yet hateful comments arise from a small minority, revealing an intense hatred and bitterness towards a football team, my football team.
In all likelihood, other teams – including the Gamecocks - have just as many vicious and bitter supporters. Furthermore, our current football coach with his pessimistic, discouraging manner is probably not gaining new followers for our team and may in fact be turning some away. Words from disgruntled, condescending coaches and fans are ugly no matter whose team is being represented.
It seems quite silly. Ridiculous, in fact! Out of the same mouth comes praise and adoration for one school, yet madness and rage against another. Consequently, a fanatical devotee’s supposed love and dedication to his team turns others away because of an obnoxious urge to vocalize hatred and bitterness towards the opposing side.
This year Clemson has a very respectable group of players and an admirable coach. In all honesty, I have difficulty finding anything to dislike about this team, except for a few, loud-mouth fans.
Clemson’s head-coach Dabo Swinney is not self-seeking or arrogant, but in fact, lives out his faith on and off the field. He seeks to honor the Lord, not himself, through his team’s wins. I suspect that even in a loss, he would point to God’s goodness in spite of man’s failure.
Recently Coach Dabo encouraged his team to “let your light shine” for God’s glory. Perhaps, we Christian football fans also need to remember to let our lights shine, not only for the reputation of our favorite team, but more importantly, for the reputation of the Savior whose name we claim.
I am not without blame in this area and have been working on improving my football etiquette. Despite the occasional rude comment or snide remark, my heart is changing. My words should bring glory to God, and declaring love for Him while speaking hatred towards a football team does not honor Him.
Without a doubt, Clemson’s orange is shining brightly this year, not simply on the field, but off as well. How could I dislike a team like that? In fact, I must learn from it and hope that my garnet and black shines just as brightly.
Clemson players, fans, and Coach Dabo: I sincerely wish you the best this season. May you only have one loss this year - to my dearly loved Gamecocks, of course!
“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” James 3:10
Sunday, October 9, 2011
From First Date to Proposal
Having recorded the spectacular, sentimental events leading to our first date on March 28, 1993, it seems both appropriate and timely to continue our story of budding love and an engagement, which occurred eighteen years ago on October 9, 1993.
At the conclusion of our first date, Mike bid farewell with a promise to call, and he did not disappoint! The phone rang the next day, and our second date was planned for only three days after the first. He introduced me to his favorite pizza place, where I paid the tab because his debit card was confiscated by the ATM on our way to dinner. We then searched the mall for a wedding gift for my brother and his new bride, but Sears rejected Mike’s payment method and the gift was placed back on the shelf.
Knowing Mike’s character is above reproach, I was neither apprehensive nor bothered. Of course, those anomalies were not the impression he wanted to make on a second date. Therefore, it was necessary to follow up quickly with a third, which then sealed our exclusive commitment to one another. From that point on, we were practically inseparable, if not in each other’s presence, at least on one another’s mind.
We took advantage of our close proximity as Mike finished his last few weeks of college before graduating. In addition to official “dates”, we also shared together the normal customs of work, school, church, hobbies, and family gatherings. I first met Mike’s parents, missionaries in Rome, Italy, when they came to America for his graduation.
Following graduation, our relationship became long distance by about forty-five miles while I was home for the summer break and he worked as a deputy sheriff in our college town. We no longer saw one another daily, but still communicated and dated regularly.
As the summer drew to a conclusion, Mike made a special visit to have lunch with my dad, from whom he received permission to ask for my hand in marriage. With a five month stint of military training approaching, Mike wanted to take advantage of the opportunity he had to speak with my dad even though he had not yet finalized his plans for proposing to me.
As autumn approached, I returned to college and was back in town with Mike, who would be leaving in a few weeks for those five months of Army Officer’s Basic Course in Alabama. We continued having special dates and outings between our school and work obligations.
The beautiful fall weather convinced us to hike to the top of a nearby mountain. I volunteered to provide the food for our picnic on Table Rock and began reserving chips, crackers, and other snacks from my campus lunches.
Mike picked me up for the hike early on a Saturday morning and added to our packed lunch his contribution of fortune cookies from a previous meal with co-workers. “How sweet!” I thought. Fortune cookies are not a typical picnic item, but he had our date on his mind while dining with friends. I was flattered!
After stopping by Bojangles to pick up our main dish of chicken, we drove to the mountain and began our hike. About two hours later, we reached the peak and spread out the blanket to have lunch. The simple, but bountiful meal was scrumptious following the arduous climb. After taking my last bite, I laid down and stretched out to rest my exhausted legs and aching back in preparation for the descent.
It was then that Mike reminded me of the fortune cookies. In fact, he wanted me to sit back up to eat them. I cringed at the idea of moving my weary body and insisted on reading my fortune lying down. (I’m sorry, Mike!) He relented and passed me a cookie.
Had I known what was coming, I would have complied and sat up, but Mike really did surprise me. Although we had talked of marriage (and hikers passing back by told us they had predicted the upcoming question), a proposal was not currently on my mind.
However, as I cracked my cookie and unfolded my “fortune”, an excited feeling stirred within me. Mike was already bending on one knee before me, but I was too absorbed in reading those words on that tiny slip of paper to notice his posture.
“Alison, will you marry me?”
I looked up at the sound of the question on the paper being spoken by Mike, who held a box with a beautiful diamond ring before me.
Is there any doubt to how I answered? Eighteen years ago today, the most important word out of my mouth was a relatively simple and effortless one:
YES!
“Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; for wherever you go, I will go….” Ruth 1:16a
(To read the post written in March about the details leading up to our first date, click "March" on the "Blog Archive" sidebar to the right.)
At the conclusion of our first date, Mike bid farewell with a promise to call, and he did not disappoint! The phone rang the next day, and our second date was planned for only three days after the first. He introduced me to his favorite pizza place, where I paid the tab because his debit card was confiscated by the ATM on our way to dinner. We then searched the mall for a wedding gift for my brother and his new bride, but Sears rejected Mike’s payment method and the gift was placed back on the shelf.
Knowing Mike’s character is above reproach, I was neither apprehensive nor bothered. Of course, those anomalies were not the impression he wanted to make on a second date. Therefore, it was necessary to follow up quickly with a third, which then sealed our exclusive commitment to one another. From that point on, we were practically inseparable, if not in each other’s presence, at least on one another’s mind.
We took advantage of our close proximity as Mike finished his last few weeks of college before graduating. In addition to official “dates”, we also shared together the normal customs of work, school, church, hobbies, and family gatherings. I first met Mike’s parents, missionaries in Rome, Italy, when they came to America for his graduation.
Following graduation, our relationship became long distance by about forty-five miles while I was home for the summer break and he worked as a deputy sheriff in our college town. We no longer saw one another daily, but still communicated and dated regularly.
As the summer drew to a conclusion, Mike made a special visit to have lunch with my dad, from whom he received permission to ask for my hand in marriage. With a five month stint of military training approaching, Mike wanted to take advantage of the opportunity he had to speak with my dad even though he had not yet finalized his plans for proposing to me.
As autumn approached, I returned to college and was back in town with Mike, who would be leaving in a few weeks for those five months of Army Officer’s Basic Course in Alabama. We continued having special dates and outings between our school and work obligations.
The beautiful fall weather convinced us to hike to the top of a nearby mountain. I volunteered to provide the food for our picnic on Table Rock and began reserving chips, crackers, and other snacks from my campus lunches.
Mike picked me up for the hike early on a Saturday morning and added to our packed lunch his contribution of fortune cookies from a previous meal with co-workers. “How sweet!” I thought. Fortune cookies are not a typical picnic item, but he had our date on his mind while dining with friends. I was flattered!
After stopping by Bojangles to pick up our main dish of chicken, we drove to the mountain and began our hike. About two hours later, we reached the peak and spread out the blanket to have lunch. The simple, but bountiful meal was scrumptious following the arduous climb. After taking my last bite, I laid down and stretched out to rest my exhausted legs and aching back in preparation for the descent.
It was then that Mike reminded me of the fortune cookies. In fact, he wanted me to sit back up to eat them. I cringed at the idea of moving my weary body and insisted on reading my fortune lying down. (I’m sorry, Mike!) He relented and passed me a cookie.
Had I known what was coming, I would have complied and sat up, but Mike really did surprise me. Although we had talked of marriage (and hikers passing back by told us they had predicted the upcoming question), a proposal was not currently on my mind.
However, as I cracked my cookie and unfolded my “fortune”, an excited feeling stirred within me. Mike was already bending on one knee before me, but I was too absorbed in reading those words on that tiny slip of paper to notice his posture.
“Alison, will you marry me?”
I looked up at the sound of the question on the paper being spoken by Mike, who held a box with a beautiful diamond ring before me.
Is there any doubt to how I answered? Eighteen years ago today, the most important word out of my mouth was a relatively simple and effortless one:
YES!
“Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; for wherever you go, I will go….” Ruth 1:16a
(To read the post written in March about the details leading up to our first date, click "March" on the "Blog Archive" sidebar to the right.)
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