Breathe! Breathe!
Lately I must consistently remind myself to take deep breaths and not be beleaguered by the considerable task before me.
Just breathe!
I have warned Mike that if I begin to hyperventilate, there is a logical reason for it.
I have never hyperventilated in my life, despite some stressful times. I remember during my earliest days as a mom, I would suddenly awake from sleep almost overwhelmed with the fact that I was now responsible for the upbringing of a child.
Later, as leader of a local Mother of Preschoolers (MOPS) group, the strain of a heavy workload and the dependency upon others to work well together and fulfill commitments threatened to steal my sanity.
Although I have never needed to breathe into a brown paper bag, I now wonder if I should have purchased a pack of these lunch sacs on a recent run to Target, just in case. Maybe if I am found hyperventilating, someone will have one at hand and be kind enough to pass it my way.
Why do I feel such pressure now? Life is easy in so many ways. I have an amazingly wonderful husband and three healthy, happy sons. We are not experiencing terrible trials, and in fact, have fun together and appreciate one another.
Yet as I prepare for a new school year to begin this Monday, the intense magnitude of my job as a homeschool mom weighs heavily on my mind.
Brandon will be taking high school courses, which necessitate not only using specific texts and materials, but also keeping meticulous records and precise grades. Countless hours have been spent evaluating curriculum options, researching requirements, and making lesson plans.
And when I think I understand it all, another twist materializes.
Breathe! Just breathe!
After commanding myself to take in air, I quickly follow with a plea to the Lord for His help.
God is my air! (I have never yet hyperventilated!)
He comforts, reminds, sustains, and provides. He has called me to this task and will accomplish it through me, even as I face numerous unknowns and inevitable mistakes.
Already, he has made up for my shortcomings. He has provided me with a loving and supportive husband who assures me that the task can be successfully accomplished. My brother-in-law, a high school principal, has listened to my tentative plans and shared his knowledge and experiences.
Godly ladies who have traveled this path before with similar goals for their own college-bound children have steered me in much-needed directions by passing along valuable advice and encouragement.
Even as I struggle at times to breathe, convinced that I will fail, God is faithful. I am not without error or mistake, but God is, and He will perfect His work in me. My moments of panic are followed by inexplicable peace. Yes, I can do this… with the Lord.
When I rely upon God and trust His ability to accomplish the task He has given me despite my fears and inadequacies, tranquility and confidence fill my soul. The road ahead remains daunting, yet doable when led by a God who loves me.
If you see me start to hyperventilate, please pass me a paper bag! But also remind me of God’s promises and provisions. He’s all I really need!
“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” Psalm 18:32
1 comment:
Hi Alison, I completely understand where you are right now and I know you understand where I am right now. I have one more week till our Steering Meeting and am short three more teachers, plus having no one to take on MOPPETS. I am not sure I am the one can do this, this year. I do not feel qualified at all. So when I read your post it struck home in a very real way. It is really all we can do is just give it all to the one who can hold all things together! Robyn
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