Responsible Words

“The more responsible you are, the more privileges you earn.” It seems that lately I am uttering these words on a regular basis. Perhaps it is because I have a son on the brink of the teen years and our expectations for what he is capable of doing in the months and years ahead are high. We want to teach him that with independence comes responsibility and vice versa.

But it is not Brandon who has been reminded of these words the last several days. It is Zachary, our 7 year-old, who has a love for animals and recently announced he wants a fish. I’m pretty sure he decided upon this pet after we quickly overruled a horse, a wild dog, a cat (I’m allergic), and a turtle (illegal in our state). He discovered fish are relatively inexpensive, fun to watch, and can be bought in a pet store without committing a crime. This gives him hope.

As he was pleading his case, I saw this as a perfect opportunity to encourage him to be more responsible. I do not want to take care of a fish, and he claims that he will easily be able to do that himself. While I am certain he would try his best, I am not convinced he is capable.

Responsibility, however, encompasses more than taking care of belongings. Zachary’s pleadings for a fish gave me the idea of having him earn the gift with more than a clean room and a helping hand around the house. I want him to be responsible with his words.

Zachary’s struggle in life right now is with his mouth. He has an inclination to whine, complain, lose his temper, and strike out with unkind words when he is offended. We are working with him on correcting this behavior and the heart issues behind it, but I sensed an opportunity to remedy this tendency by putting a new twist on our definition of responsibility. I told Zachary that if he could show me responsibility with his words, I might be convinced that he can be responsible with a pet fish.

What do “responsible words” look like? Using words responsibly means no whining, complaining, or arguing. When someone has provoked you, intentionally or not, you do not lash out. Dropping a matter before it becomes a fight, even when you have been wronged, is also an indication of having responsibility over our mouths.

These are real challenges for Zachary. Frankly, they are real challenges for me as well. How many times do I lose my patience with the boys when they are being rowdy or not listening? What about when I complain because others aren’t doing things the way I want them done? Do I even mention the whining I do when Mike has to work late? And when someone wrongs me, do I just drop the matter, or do I hang on to it and tell others how I have been mistreated?

Hmmm… perhaps Zachary is only copying what he has seen during his young life under my care.

Getting a pet fish does not inspire me to correct my problem. However, a yearning to be a better example to my kids, to show more support and love to my husband, and most of all, to please my Lord and Savior, is my incentive to be more responsible with my words.

As for Zachary, he has just begun his new challenge. While he has a ways to go, he is incredibly motivated. Who knows? In a couple of months, I may be writing about our new pet fish!

“… he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19b